After over a year off work, I headed back. I am a small business owner, so I was never completely out of it, but I was never completely in it either. Working from home with a baby/toddler is a whole different experience, i’ve gone from video calls with a full face of make-up but PJ bottoms on my lower half, to performing a duet with a baby on my knee.
I have always been into my work, I am lucky to work for myself and have my sister working with me. I didn’t think I would ever consider not returning, but those thoughts have gone through my mind. During my time off I planned a second business idea (hopefully coming soon) and kept my head in the game, but it was also tempting to stay away longer and spend all my days with little Hallie.
There are all kinds of mums, because there are all kinds of people. Some mums stay at home and continue one of the hardest jobs I have ever had, others head back to work full-time, I feel I am somewhere in-between. I want to be the best Mum I can be to Hallie and in order to be that I feel I have to keep who I originally was before her. I worked hard to get the career I have, and I want to show Hallie that. I read this quote earlier that Michelle Obama came across…
‘Here’s to strong women, may we know them, may we be them, may we raise them.’
When I entered the office on Tuesday, I didn’t feel like a strong woman, but by the time I left I sure did. It’s hard being away for so long, your confidence drops. You spend a year with this little person that consumes you and leaves little of you for anything else. It is an amazing time and is to be made the most of, as you never get it back, but I found that by taking on my new role as ‘Mum’ I lost confidence in my pervious job. I love being with Hallie, but I can’t say I didn’t enjoy being away for work, going to the gym and having a meal out.
Overall for me, returning to work has been positive. I DO suffer from mummy guilt, but it is good for Hallie to spend time with someone else other then me. It is also good for her that I am providing an income for her and our little family, to have the best life I can possibly give her. That being said, here are some realisations that hit me on my return to work…
- You will miss your baby pretty much every second you are not with them and everything will remind you of them, but it just makes seeing them again all the sweeter.
- You have some brain left! Baby brain didn’t take it all, you can function and have conversations with adults and even impart knowledge to them. It was there all along, just really far in the back somewhere behind Peppa Pig episode 1234325.
- You can go to the toilet alone and make yourself a drink anytime you like! AND you don’t have to stand in the doorway eating your toast incase a little person wakes up or gets jealous.
- People you hardly know will ask you when you are having baby number 2, “I don’t know Susan, how much do you have in you bank account and can you fill me in on the details of your last smear test?”. Boundaries people.
- YOUR PARTNER (or working others around you) HAVE BEEN DOING THIS THE WHOLE TIME. It’s true, they have been having time to themselves to listen to MUSIC on the way to work, the have been going to the toilet alone every day for the last year, they even sometimes having a cheeky burrito on their lunch – yes they have been eating lunch on a daily basis!! We can’t complain too much though, we do spend some days eating chocolate for breakfast, lunch and dinner :).