Well today was the day, today was the day Hallie got her first booboo.
And I still feel terrible.
It of course it was a complete accident. We were sat on the sofa, one minute she was in my arms, the next she had thrown herself back and landed (on the sofa) on top of her dummy box, that of course was open and left her with two red marks down her face.
She screamed out, in shock I think more than anything. I too was in shock, shock at the marks and shock that she had gained the strength to do that! I will now have to have eyes in the back of my head.
Hallie is completely fine and the marks faded within a few hours (she does worse damage with her own nails), but hasn’t stopped me feeling awful. I even apologised to my partner, for letting this harm come to her when he goes to work and trusts me with her everyday. Within five minutes of it happening I had sent pictures of the marks, with a written description of the incident to my partner and my sister, desperately wanting them to concur that Hallie was fine and no further action was needed. I of course knew this myself but needed the confirmation, which is annoying given that nobody knows Hallie better than me and I should trust my instincts more with her and not look for backing at every turn.
On reflecting my reaction was a bit OTT, but at the time and still a bit now, I was upset. But why do we put so much pressure on ourselves, especially when we spend 24/7 with our babies doing everything for them and trying our best to keep them safe. After all it wasn’t intentional, I hadn’t left her alone, I was holding her, caring for her and she launched herself. I am pretty impressed with her to be honest, she is more advanced at this stage then I had expected!
Overall, shit happens, and I/we must learn to trust my/our instincts and not beat myself/ourselves up about everything. I still hold guilt after giving up on breast feeding and I just need to stop, as I do my best for her all day, every day.