In the beginning there was the pill

For me, getting pregnant was a total surprise. I was taking the pill, correctly to the best of my knowledge, therefore a complete surprise and totally unplanned.

Myself and my partner took around a week to let it sink in, during which my main thoughts consisted of

  1. SHIT!
  2. How did we let this happen?
  3. Can we afford it?
  4. My business is only a year old and I haven’t taken over the world yet
  5. It has never been in my plan to have children
  6. Would I be a good mother?
  7. I know nothing about babies, literally not a thing
  8. Where would we live? I love East London but can we raise a child here?
  9. I like my life and I am not ready to risk changing that
  10. Shouldn’t we be married? Do I ever want to be married?
  11. We have only been together 4 months*

*Disclaimer: we have known each other for five years

We headed up north for the weekend, intent on not telling anyone until we had discussed it all further, and then I decided I needed to tell my mum, even at the grand age of 29 (28 at the time) until I have told my mum something it somehow doesn’t seem real. She greeted the news with a gasp, laughter, crying and ended it with complete glee.

Within seconds of her reaction my feelings stopped flying around and bashing into one another all confused and scared, they slowed down and evolved into feelings of excitement for the new life we could have together as a family. I told her I wasn’t ready and couldn’t do it, she told me I was being ridiculous and it would be brilliant.

And that was it, and really what choice did we have? We had to embrace it, we were (and still are) a couple in love, with good jobs and the means to live somewhere nice.

As a planner dealing with something I hadn’t planned was a tough blow, but once we got our heads around it I planned the shit out of that pregnancy and enjoyed every second of it. The planning that is, not the pregnancy itself, I was in a constant state of morning sickness for the most part. It’s amazing how the love for a baby you haven’t even met yet can get you through some pretty dark days.

It turns out, it is true what they say, unplanned doesn’t mean unwanted, and that will always make me love my partner that little bit more, as he gave me the gift I never knew I wanted.


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